I quit my job … and then I got roped back into staying. I made a timeline for quitting my job … and then the deadline passed. I have talked, thought and decided I am quitting my job more times than I can count and then proceeded to back down. I am now starting to feel like the boy who cried wolf. Will I ever just quit?
My dad said to me the first time I actually quit (before I somehow found myself staying … and still here 4 months later), that it would not always be this way; I would not always have the luxury to up and quit without any consequence or ripple effect in my life. And he is right. I am young, I do not have any debt to my name, I am not married nor do I have children and besides my rent and food bills, I do not have many expenses. My parents will always support me and I’d have a home to go back to. Not everyone can afford this luxury and I am so extremely blessed to have it.
So I ask myself, why am I still here hating my job? And I should explain, it is not the corporate job or the 8 to 5 that I hate (though I don’t know many that love it either and I never wanted a corporate job to begin with… should have chosen a different degree), it is the environment and the person I work for (which probably in an of itself can be saved for another post). It has been made almost unbearable to step into the office every day and keep any sense of sanity or happiness that I try and drum up in the morning, no matter how much I try to ignore it all or just push through.
I also think that there is a huge part of me that does not want to give up or quit, that I tell myself just push through until you have something better. Don’t just give up. That the struggle will make you better and stronger for it all in the end. And realistically, I do have something better coming my way. I have put the plan in place to pursue something I am passionate about if only I can hang on just a few more months (6 to be exact).
However, I find myself asking does there come a point in our lives where the struggle begins to outweigh the logic of staying? Do we sometimes just have to give up and throw in the towel even if that means quitting? Or is it really quitting if we know our self-worth, our limits, what we are willing to put up with and the respect we deserve when that is not being met?
I do not know what I will ultimately do or what the right decision is. And maybe that is just it. Maybe there is no right decision, maybe this is just how life is, one choice will lead down one path and the other a different one.