Are we all struggling?

& other thoughts about growing up.

tara_moraine

When I first set out to start this blog years ago now, it was all about finding my way in the world as I transitioned from teen to adult (part of the reason I chose the name Fundamentum… and my love of etymology). However, I am sure the 18-year-old me would look at the now 24-year-old version and think really, girl get your life together. Yet here we are and I find I am still contemplating the same things I was back then, or maybe they have changed and matured but the unanswered questions still remain. If I am being completely honest, I feel more lost now then I did back then.

I remember my mom in elementary school told me something that has stuck with me to this day. Be kind to everyone because each person is fighting a battle and we are all like icebergs; often times you only see the tip of the person but there is so much more hiding underneath. Whether that is waiting to be discovered or hidden for a reason. (My mom is the Oprah of my life and often my own personal Pinterest quote source).

Now some may tell you that I have been slowly failing at the being kind part recently as I’ve become consumed with my own life problems, but all of my friends seem to be struggling the same as I am. Is it just the age of trying to perfect our lives and have it all figured out? Are we all struggling at this so-called adulting? Do we each feel as lost as the next person? Or is this just the “millennial curse”?

Many articles will attribute this millennial struggle to different things. Love of Instagram or any social media really and its debilitating impact on our outlook of the “perfect life”. Influencers and media stars who have made it famous and a career (with or without lots of hard work) just by simply being them. Changing and turbulent economic times that allow for zero financial success or stability. The pressure to follow your dreams and focus on what makes you happy because that is what should lead to ultimate success (by millennial standards). Following in our parents foot-steps who in many cases insist on reminding us that they already had their shit together by this point in their lives, with a house and probably even kids (luckily my parents followed the abnormal path when they were growing up and can’t make this claim to me). Regardless of all the studies, statistics and theories on why millennials struggle, here we all are STRUGGLING.

This post today doesn’t have an answer or a conclusion really, more just a rambling of questions and thoughts that have been through my mind lately. I am not unhappy with my life or if/when I am I know I shouldn’t be; there are so many worse off than me, even amongst my core group. I think I am just searching for, what I hope are, the apparent answers to the questions I set to clarify years ago. And in the meantime, I can find comfort in knowing that most around me feel just as lost as I am… and maybe that’s what life is, the journey not the destination. After all, this is my life and my foundation for growing up (if I ever get there).

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11 thoughts on “Are we all struggling?

  1. Wow! This could be one particular of the most helpful blogs We’ve ever arrive across on this subject. Basically Fantastic. I am also a specialist in this topic therefore I can understand your effort.

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  2. excellent post, very informative. I wonder why the other experts of this sector don’t notice this. You must continue your writing. I am sure, you have a great readers’ base already!

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  3. On struggling…
    I am a Baby Boomer, the tail end anyway. I relate to much of what you have shared. Things have changed a lot since I was your age. Yes, I did have a job and a kid and (later) a house, but it really *was* a different time, in every possible way, especially economically. Having the option now to start my life over and do what I want, versus doing what I had to do when younger, is at once exhilarating and frustrating. How do I settle on just one thing I want to do/be? I can’t. And so in great Millenial fashion, I am trying to do a little bit of all of them! Yes, I am struggling to, but in a good way. Thanks for the post!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you very much for your kind words Susan and sharing a bit of your own experience and expertise! It seems that the generation now is so much of you can do whatever you want but of course, you can’t do anything mentality, which as you say is great but also so, so frustrating! Thank you for stopping by and sharing in the insight!

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  4. The one thing you learn as you get older is that Getting your Shit Together is not the end-game. A few years ago… my friend (both of us in our early 40’s) kept saying to me “When is my life going to start?”. She was a mum of two, happily married and was winning awards for her business she set up. I said, What do you mean? She said, “you know, when I can relax and start living because I know it all” I laughed and said, “Oh, you mean retirement!” No-one feels they have their shit together… so waiting is a lonesome game. Just enjoy the shit, in whatever good, bad and confused state it comes… and be good to yourself 😉

    Liked by 1 person

  5. As I near forty, I’m hardly a wizened sage, but I have learned a lot over time, and I’ve had the opportunity to talk to a lot of people about uncertainty, and about not having things figured out, or never feeling like a “real adult”.

    That feeling never really goes away, to be honest. I’ve gotten farther now in my career than I’d ever thought possible when I was struggling so hard in my mid-twenties, and I’ve learned to trust in my own competence even when it feels like I’m just playing pretend every day, but that feeling of not being enough is always a part of the background noise.

    But I think, in the end, this is a good thing. Knowing what you have left to learn means you’re still open to learning it. Knowing that you’re not finished means there’s still a lot of living and a lot of learning that’s still open to you. And a look at the history of the human race will make it abundantly clear that there’s never going to be a shortage of things to learn. It can feel scary and hopeless, sometimes, but I’ve gotten well-practiced at taking a breath, letting the fear wash over me, and then asking “where do I start?”

    And the world never stops changing. The folks I’ve met who seem to trust they have it all figured out might have it figured out… or the world they have figured out is a snap shot of what the world was thirty years ago. The only fatal thing is thinking there’s nothing left to figure out.

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    1. i totally agree and you said it better than i could 😉

      no one ever figures it out- but what matters is how you cope with it in the meantime. you can’t sit and pout or whine about it- or think you’re the only one struggling (you’re not)…frankly, questioning these things is actually a sign you’re doing just fine…it’s the people who never find time to think about life who miss out…

      as you age you become more certain and you can pursue things with less fears or worries, or change course on a dime without thinking about who might say what about it. you become less tolerant of anything that doesn’t bring you happiness- which can lead to some new frustrations…but ultimately, you make sure every moment matters…or you just won’t do it that way.

      TODAY is what you have. make today matter and you have succeeded. you have have become more than adult- you have become wise…and hopefully as a result, happy as well.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Thank you, both for this! Hearing the stories, advice, and support from others has been amazing. It is good to know we are all a little lost, still trying to figure it all out and each are struggling with their own battles (no matter the age)!

        And knowing that even as you get older that you don’t really ever figure it out completely is actually extremely comforting. It takes the pressure off trying to be perfect and have it together all the time when let’s be honest few ever truly do!

        I often forget to sit back, take a breath and live in the moment, sometimes too focused on the future to be present right now. But I know, when all is said and done that it is all going to work out in the end!

        Thank you so much for your kind words, thoughts and advice!

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  6. This post resonated with me so much. I feel like as hard as I try to “adult” that I’ll never be taken seriously. I was told once by a relative “It’s so cute watching you try to be an adult.” I had a house, a husband, and two kids at the time. You can be completely lost or have it all figured out and still struggle for that adult validation. It’s a tough time for us but we’ll make it!

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Yes, This! It is so easy to look into someone else’s life and forget that they are struggling too and instead pass judgment. I try very hard not to do it but even I sometimes find myself slipping up. We are all trying to do our best and figure it all out, but that is the journey of life!

      Besides whoever made the rules of adulting anyways?

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